


Selfish

by SlytherinsInSpace



Category: Dragon Age II
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-19
Updated: 2015-09-19
Packaged: 2018-04-22 11:03:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4833014
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SlytherinsInSpace/pseuds/SlytherinsInSpace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Anders couldn't believe that Hawke had chosen him, and sometimes he wondered why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Selfish

“No Mage I know has ever dared to fall in love.”

That was really only half the truth. What he’d wanted to say was that he’d never known someone who dared to love a Mage. Openly, Proudly- like they were human.

Maker knows Hawke wasn't like the rest of them. Obviously he wasn't sure that all Mages could be trusted, not that Anders could even blame him. Anders himself had doubts, sometimes. Though he could never voice them, not without diminishing the work he had done all these years. Everyone deserved a chance at least, a fair shot at freedom and happiness. That was all he was fighting for.

Hawke though; regardless of doubts was always on the Mages side, even after all that- nasty business that happened with his mother. 

He hadn’t blamed the Mages, himself- yes, but the Mages, they were always worthy of defense. 

“She could have been killed just as easily with a knife,” he said, “a madman is a madman.”

Even after all that though, Anders had trouble seeing why Hawke would deal with all the scrutiny that came with being friendly towards Mages. Let alone romantically entangled with one. 

Even within his own friends Hawke had to validate their relationship. 

Fenris was disgusted. 

Not that Anders or Hawke really cared, Fenris was such a fucking bitch. 

Avaline didn’t seem particularly keen on the idea, but she had held her tongue. 

Isabella seemed more intrigued by the sexual aspect of their relationship. 

Which Anders found funny- he had thought she would have been more irritated considering her and Hawke’s history. He knew now that he had let Hawke in, there was no giving up. This was it for life for him. Not that he seemed destined for a particularly long life, what with all the fighting they did and all the apostate hunting templars he had pissed off. 

The funny thing was, it was Varric’s warning that had hurt the most. 

It hadn’t been personal, he hadn't been warning Hawke that he shouldn't date Anders because of who he was as a person. Because he was cruel, or vindictive, or vain, but rather saying that that despite all the good things that Anders had to offer, that perhaps Hawke should not romance him because of what he was.   
A Mage. 

It was all slightly- Dehumanizing. 

Not something he had expected from someone he had come to consider a friend. 

The pity of it was he knew Varric hadn't meant any harm by it. 

He was simply looking out for Hawke’s best interests. Trying to remind him that the world they lived in was one where Mages, and Mage sympathizers had to fight at every turn. 

Mages had to prove every second of every day that they weren’t just an empty shell waiting for a demon to slip in and wreak havoc. 

He had really just been checking that Hawke was ready for that. 

For the dirty looks, random assaults. For the Templars banging on your door at all hours of the night, forever asking questions.

Anders wasn’t sure what he had wanted Hawke to say in return. 

It had filled his heart with joy when he had told Varric he was sure of his choice in Anders. 

But it was accompanied by a nagging pain of fear. 

Fear that he wasn't worth all the trouble Hawke would go through for this. 

That there was a reason that most Mages died young and alone. 

That he should choose one or the other. 

Hawke or the Revolution. 

But he couldn’t. 

He couldn’t sit around watching helpless Mages, Mages that had never done anything wrong persecuted. Be turned Tranquil without reason, be torn from their parents, abused, ostracized and even killed just because of fear. 

and now... now that he had let himself have Hawke, even for the little time he had, he couldn’t let him go. 

Maybe that was selfish of him, but he had always been selfish, he couldn’t be expected to stamp it out entirely. 

Anders sighed to himself, sliding closer to the man beside him. Curling as tight as he could around him, dreading the day he would have to let go. 

He pushed the thought out of his mind, burying his face between Hawke’s shoulder blades, nose pressing against the base of his lover’s neck. 

For now he would let himself have this, have the love, the comfort, the safety that Hawke provided him. 

For now he would let himself be selfish. 

Who knew how long he had left. Any of them could die any day, and he was going to take whatever Hawke was willing to give for as long as he could. 

“I love you.” he whispered

The words sent shivers down his spine. 

Love. 

It was still so new, so forbidden - it thrilled him. 

He smiled as he let himself drift to sleep, the faint murmur of Hawke’s “I love you too” washing over him. 

He couldn’t help but think that this was why he was fighting. 

Because everyone- no matter who they were. Templar or Mage and everyone in between deserved to feel like this. 

Loved.


End file.
